I’ve always had a rather extreme element to my nature, my personality.
Lots of fire, passionate likes and dislikes and an all-or-nothing attitude (hi, I’m a Sagittarian…)
There’s no better place this has been expressed as through my healing journey.
Looking back I am able to now notice that one of the main tools for my growth in this life has been to completely immerse myself in an experience, a philosophy, people, jobs, cultures and definitely in various healing modalities.
By throwing myself wholeheartedly into the melee and observing the results, year after year, I’ve been cultivating a long list of Differences- an internal tally of what has and hasn’t worked for me, how that looks and how that feels.
Like they all say, we can only recognise that something is the way it is if we have a point of reference, if we have something to compare it to (tall is tall only if something else relative is short, light/dark, happy/sad etc)
Sometimes (well, rather a lot of the time) these observations and gems of personal wisdom have come quite after-the-fact. They trickle out as I’m re-triggered in daily life and am left sifting through my past experiences for the root, the underlying belief or programming.
It’s that A-HA moment! I see! I know where that comes from…
It can take a while to figure out that actually something isn’t working for you where you first thought it was THE ANSWER (THE ONE/THE ONLY).
And I guess rather often, something at first was the right answer for you, but things have changed, you have changed, and it no longer serves its purpose.
I think a lot of us can get stuck in the not-right thing because we rely on ‘comfortable’ or familiar patterns of thinking and we stop carefully observing and monitoring the situation or how we actually feel.
We also get pretty attached and identify with a belief, a person, a sub-culture and find it too difficult to detangle ourselves from the web we have created.
While I’m incredibly grateful for all the lessons I have learnt so far through my Adventures in Extremities, it feels as though I’m coming to a new place in my life.
A place of greater Gentleness and a deeper understanding that my health (mind, soul and body) require new skills and attitudes of me.
All things I’ve been pretty terrified of up until now…
I didn’t feel like my body was a safe place to inhabit fully (helloooooo racing, ceaseless mind!)
I came to realise that my love for myself was very conditional- I will love myself when I am totally ‘healthy’, I will love myself when I am perfect, I will love myself when I am successful and everybody loves me…
I came to realise that by subjecting my body to extremes, whether it was a gruelling yoga regime based on the fear of never being well again or a restrictive, deprivation-based diet that discarded my emotional and everyday needs, I was never going to be radiantly and vibrantly healthy or happy.
There’s such a difference in knowing something in theory (our mind, body and spirit are deeply connected) and understanding something on an experiential level (bringing in/remembering my innate spirituality has transformed my health physically)
Hey, it’s still a work in progress and there are days and moments where I forget all of this and find myself reverting back to old thought and behaviour patterns.
But the lessons are being learnt!
Things are changing!
Most importantly, I’m coming to trust the process, deeply.
I know too, that throughout it all I am never alone.
We are never alone.
Not only are there an abundance of seriously awesome human beings on the planet right now, but there is also a whoooole other realm of ever-present, unconditionally loving Spirits just itching to help you out (more on this in a future post…)
In the meantime, I will leave you with this and send loving, healing, gentle energy to you… x